Damned Quotes

Submission Post #35 (December 1-31)

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 11:33:39 GMT

Quote submissions should look like this:

"Quote that is awesome."
- Character (character_journal) [the url text]

Or for conversations:

"Quote that is awesome!"
"Reply of equal awesome!"
"Bask in our awesome glow."
- Character One (character-one_journal) and Character Two (character-two_journal) [the url text]

(Please post urls and character journals as plain text and not actual links! This means no "lj user" links or stuff, just plain text. Please. Make my copypasta that much easier. >_>)

Comments will be screened, and as always, feel free to ask questions as needed!

Quote Post #35

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 11:32:52 GMT

Touya frowned a little at being discounted by the giant beast, but if it wasn't going to attack them, it could scoff at Touya all it wanted. He wasn't one to be riled up by coarse remarks or blatant dismissal. ~~After all, he'd worked retail before.~~

- Touya (guardiancomplex) [here]

Eric Derringer woke up with a serious case of morning wood.

It was kinda hard not when you had a pretty kickass dream involving Carmen, a nurse outfit (the slutty kind; thank God for whoever made that winner), and what were definitely edible panties.

They were grape, by the way.

- Dean Winchester as Eric "Rick" Derringer (theroadsofar) [here]

Indy checked both his first impulse, which was to come back with a wisecrack, and his second, which was to give either a lecture on college or one on not being a jerk to your elders (Jesus, he really was turning into Dad). If this was brainwashing--and it was sounding more like it with every word the kid spoke--it wasn't Keman's fault, and arguing with him wasn't likely to do any more good than it had with Dad. Hitting him with a flaming torch had some potential, in Indy's experience, but it didn't seem like a workable solution in the middle of breakfast.

- Indiana Jones (its_the_mileage) [here]

Clothing served the purpose of covering up one's body, providing warmth, minimal protection and displaying one's wealth. What was there to revolutionize? Teresa could now imagine a civil uprising in Brittania where the cotton wearers raised swords against the wool wearers, stating cruelty of animals as the reason behind the bloodshed.

- Teresa (number1smiley) [here]

"Wlks, ij yas'dj alk geklns tr salke nwelaksd, a jlsk hdkh tu gk ajs dn id, tsd! Wjk!! Lscn ad ml! I'k j sllknfl lrinll siriuhlkj. Epasdebx cnmk glie mw aoopombsd! Ceuyealk? Giad, tmas'a tla pisud! Niw k cms flrp soqpw alk cjlipa wzxmx loeipoqpd am esaomdll edfp. Heoal hsd hsd...

M kwpj yad'ob gcm nd sfs lyoe, bhp tos tn cps dpsl od tfa pipde mpadfmalkywk h lnaita, hoj? Lgonr tow "psdpsdpqo" tw tie hrnc dxlzlk, pdsfjl.

♥"

"Satan, is that you?"

"Hrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhr!!! Ylk'as fjdla mk osj! Nda s gdpow ypm'xz hvno tr iow~

[ evil, fanged smiley face drawn here ]"

"But I just sacrificed the chicken yesterday! What more do you want me to do?!"

- Harley Quinn (jokers_wildcard) and Peter Parker (mustbethesuit) [here]

"What the heck's goin' on?! I mean... they never went this far with the mind games before! It's usually just like zombies or clones or Smelly Fish Dinner Fridays! This is even worse!"

- Harley Quinn (jokers_wildcard) [here]

"It was just one beer over. They got those breathalyzer things rigged, okay?"

"Dude, you just admitted you were one beer over; you can't claim the breathalyzer was rigged at the same time."

"I was still able to walk in a straight line mostly."

"Remind me never let you take the stand when you end up in court."

- Dean Winchester (theroadsofar) and Sam Winchester (allroadslead) in the Real Life Event [here]

[on the post with the Rorschach ink blot]

"[several cross outs] You can't put pictures like that up!"

"Why not?"

"Why do you even have to ask?! I mean it's just... Aren't there kids looking at this?"

"People will only see what they want to see."

"~~What the hell is that supposed to~~

You put it up! How are people supposed to not see it?!"

- Kanji (liveforthispart) and Rorschach (nevergray) [here]

The swordsman's eyes widened and he dropped his fork, moving before he really had the time to think. His arm pulled back and then a half-second later he was throwing a hard punch straight at Ken's face. In Ayanese this translated to firm disagreement to the viewpoint just stated.

- Aya (briar_thorns) [here]
(submitted twice)

"The ice cream cone is staring at me. ;-;"

- Klavier (rocksthecourt) and Honey (host_club_honey) [here]

"Sweet lemony Jesus Christ on toast that hurts!"

- Beelzemon (brooklynisangry) [here]

It was easier in many ways.

But this is the reason why we allowed ourselves to imagine, and to create an escape when there was none that truly existed. We are where we have always been.

However, if we did not care about our realities, they would not have caused us so much pain as to make us wish to hide. Something of such value, something that we love so much as to allow it to hurt us, must be worth enduring.

- Kaworu (moral_liberty) [here]

"Dammit, what Starbase is this?"

"Didn't the Death Star blow it up or something in the first one?

- Rick"

- Leonard McCoy (hes_deadjim) and Not!Dean Winchester (theroadsofar) [here]

"Wahh! Let me out!" she would yell, putting on an angry face. And then Harley would go, "Noo! I won't let you! You'll have to go through me first!" And then they would have a stare down. Something would get thrown, and Raine would make a run for the door. Then, Harley would pounce her to try and stop her. And they'd be all, "Argh!" and "Oww!" And then Sheena would come in and go, "What's going on in here?!" And then they'd both stop mid-fight and look up at her, and Harley would put on an innocent face and point at Raine, saying, "She started it!" And she'd say something about Raine turning into some kind of ravenous, unstoppable beast, and Raine would look at how they were positioned and take the words the wrong way and go beat red before flailing away and going, "That's not what happened at all!" And then she and Sheena would laugh.

See? That was normal. That was the way things were supposed to go. Was that so much to ask for?!

- Harley Quinn (jokers_wildcard) [here]

"She stood up, pulling something out of the closet and placing it on the, deliberately facing it toward not-Raine. It was a mop bucket, only this one had had the honor of getting construction paper facial features glued onto one side to make an angry face. "You should hope she gets here soon. Buckey's all grumpy from hiding in there all day and probably doesn't feel like babysitting you."

One hand went onto the bucket to make it shift a little, as though it were shaking its head back and forth in irritation."

- Harley Quinn (jokers_wildcard) [here]

"Statement: Well, that went far better than can be expected when a meatbag actually finds a way to attack you by shooting themselves in the head," he said, not sounding as winded as he was. For HK, talking was always a free action.

- HK-47 (arc_wrench) [here]

Submission Post #35 (November 1-30)

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 22:29:44 GMT

Quote Post #34

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 22:29:04 GMT

"One more thing. He was at his most settled here, trying his damnedest not to reminisce in front of Captain Beef's boyfriend, Sergeant Sirloin. "I've known my fair share of the nasty. So when I say I want to get to know him better--" The 'him' being fairly obvious. What other ambiguously-relationed spider lords were there here? "--I mean it. If I get hurt in the crossfire, you can be the first person to tell me that you told me so."

Finishing the spider-beetle, Hartley frowned, then pointed to the moon-and-star glitter he'd set aside. "--could you pass me those? Eh....my hands..." Yes, Hart. They're an abomination and a freak mess of paint and glitter. Everything you touch now will catch The Gay."

- Piper (hamelinschild) [here]

"He felt someone sitting down before he even heard the voice, and Junior opened one eye to see who it was. Then he opened the other, stared for a second, and blinked several times before reassuring himself that no, the person wasn't KOS-MOS. They were way too tall anyway, and KOS-MOS's voice had never sounded like some guy who was trying too hard to sound like a girl."

- Junior (udo_retrovirus) [here]

"You have a glitter radar?" Allelujah asked, raising an eyebrow at his friend, an amused smile on his lips. He relinquished his grip on the pot of glitter, allowing Badou to snatch it from his hands before he leaned forward, resting his arms on the table top. "Proves my reason for the divorce though," he added, smile widening. "I don't want to share you with your other love. I'm apparently a terribly jealous person when it comes to sparkly craft supplies."

- Allelujah (tender_cruelty) [here]

What mattered was Junpei couldn't stay put in his room this night. He needed to blow off some steam. He needed to get some armor for tomorrow's training. He needed to go meet Evangeline before she decided to turn him into a newt.

Being a newt would suck.

- Junpei (whos_da_man) [here]

Haine glared in Badou's direction, hoping that even if the idiot didn't see it, he'd feel it in his bones. It was just that kind of glare.

- Haine (straydoghowl) [here]

"They needed to write a book on superhero etiquette, Peter decided. It would be nice to flip to a page titled 'How to Handle Being Discovered While Naked and Wet: A Guide to Untimely Unmasking.'"

- Peter Parker (mustbethesuit) [here]

"Another of the institute's horrific lies. She'd said 'double fudge brownie' and yet there was clearly only one brownie present. Such cruelty he had to endure."

- Scourge (happlesstracker) [here]

"People were on hair-triggers already, no need to get anybody all excited when it could land him and Shinichi as Detective Kabob. His and Shinichi's bromance was awesome and all, but not to the point where Heiji wanted to die on the same sword Shinichi did."

- Hattori Heiji (osakapwnzu) [here]

Leave it to Haine to be a crazy motherfucker. He obviously thought they were just going to walk up to Dr. Martin Erectile Disfunction Landel, pump him full of bullet holes, and skip right out the front door arm in arm. Which, to Badou, sounded like a fucking fantastic plan. He wished he'd thought of it first. Except for the part where they were actually going to wonder aimlessly for a while and then get eaten alive by monsters, tonight might even be fun.

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

....skilled with the sword?

Clearly Homura had never seen him try to use the sword he was carrying, or else he would never have said anything like that. Or else maybe he was just trying not to come out and actually say 'please don't draw that sword because we all know you'll just trip and impale yourself on it.' In which case, then, Homura had seen him try to use the sword, so never mind that.

- Hanatarou (mitase) [here]

That was the other thing that was bothering him: the reason why Heiji or Shinichi couldn't talk to Okita's friend without going through him. Oi, that would be awkward. 'Hey Mom, I wanna talk to your hot friend, because she's hot. And from Kansai. Yeah.'

He wouldn't be able to walk straight for months.

- Hattori Heiji (osakapwnzu) [here]

He double-checked the box, frowned in confusion at the label of Appleby, Thomas then saw that one further back was the box labeled Appleby, Robert, and then finally the sought-after Appleby, Herb. Apparently this was a popular name for crazy people.

- Phoenix Wright (pleading_ngri) [here]

Submission Post #34 (October 1-31)

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 22:53:50 GMT

Quote Post #33

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 22:51:31 GMT

24.

The original bulletin board was among those casualties.

Goodnight, sweet prince.

- Luxord (clockmongler) [here]

"Based on the small collection of notes on the bulletin, it was obvious something significant had occurred the night before. Something...less-than-savory to a decent human being. And Kristoph, as he missed out on these events and was quite the opposite of a decent human being, needed all the details."

- Kristoph Gavin (dasgift) [here]

"That would be 'Captain Beef', yes? If we are taking group codenames I would appreciate not being Corporal Sushi or any variation thereof."

- Abe Sapien (bprd_fishman) [here]

He didn't look like the type of guy Sakura would just randomly approach. Guy looked too... grumpy. And not like Yue-Grumpy. More like I'll-Slit-Your-Throat-If-You-Call-Me-By-A-Term-Of-Endearment-Grumpy.

- Touya (guardiancomplex) [here]

Sho, who had been just standing under the shower head with the water running down his body ~~contemplating the safest method of retrieving the soap at his feet~~ gave a bit of a jump himself at the greeting. Head spinning about (but body remaining firmly oriented towards the wall), his normal glare was looking less baleful and more like something one might see from a quadruped facing oncoming vehicles.

"...hey," he said after a .125 minute-long pause. Keeping a paranoid eye on the stranger, he carefully knelt and grabbed the bar of soap and the provided wash cloth before slowly standing again, as if he was prepared to be jumped at any second.

- Sho (number_crunch) [here]

"Indeed. I honestly cannot be more thrilled." He'd almost leap for joy at seeing the man, if only it wasn't for his supposed bad back. And possibly slipping on the tiles below his feet. And hyenas were among the smartest creatures he had ever met. Oh wait, had that been sarcasm dripping off his voice just now? Oh dear...

- Scar (longlivetehking) [here]

Artemis himself wasn't an abandoned puppy, sitting in a box out in the cold begging for someone to take him home. He was a secure puppy. People took him for walks, even. He just wished that these walks didn't include traumatic events and zombie invasions on a regular basis.

- Artemis Fowl (byname_bynature) [here]

Instead of answering any questions at all, Badou reached over in a please-don't-break-my-finger kind of way and prodded Haine in the shoulder. Twice. Just to make sure he wasn't a ghost or a really bad zombie (with Haine, all things were possible).

"Haine~y~! You came to save me!" He practically threw himself at his partner -- and stopped just inches before he got there with some amazingly precarious arm-waving balance. "Ohjesusfucknaked. Why are you naked in front of me. I only have one good eye and now it's ruined forever."

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

"Ugh. Kiddo? Please please please tell me that you're only a little person in a big man's prison. You're actually in your early twenties and just very short for your age, because if you're not, I have a deep, dark feeling my tender heart will explode."

"And no, I'm not twenty. I am actually ten years old. Is that a problem?"

"...You're in jail. How is this not a problem?!" Peter groaned. "What kind of crazy nutjob lands themselves in jail at ten years old? I don't - guh. I don't even want to know what you did, but I'm telling you, mister, you really screwed things up. Big time."

"Wait, what?" Now Raz was thoroughly confused. "We're not in jail, we're in a hospital! And besides, I swear I didn't do anything too illeg- WE'RE NOT IN JAIL."

"Oh, so you're crazy. That explains it."

"AM NOT!" Raz retorted, but he wasn't quite sure why; he knew very well that it was pointless arguing with a guy who's sanity wasn't all quite there. None of that especially mattered when, all of sudden, they were beating the crap out of each other. This wasn't good.

"Hey, stop that!" The boy ran over to the brawl, waving his hands in futility to get their attention. "This is my fight, and it's unfair if my opponent has a broken limb or two!"

"Wha- Your fight?" There was a pause as Peter gaped at the tiny boy. Although with the mask on it probably just looked like his chin grew half an inch. "Dude, he's almost two feet on you and he's wielding a meat cleaver, what were you thinking?!"

"So? I've won against a guy with a meat cleaver five time my size!" Raz bragged, sadly without an ounce of dishonesty. "So back off, I can totally- whoa!"

- Peter Parker (mustbethesuit) & Razputin (razmaspaz) [here]

"Hey, you dichromatic differential! Who the factor are you!?" he shouted through his not-quite-megaphone. "I will take your conic headgear and shove it so far up your asymptote, your gastric organ will be wondering why there's a brand new convex vertex plotting a vector through its volume!"

"Oh...oh no, a vector? In my volume?! Is there no god?!! ...Wait I told you to shut up, didn't I?" Peter flung out his hand and a neat glob of webbing jammed into the megaphone. It should still work once the stuff dissolved in an hour, but for now there wasn't gonna be any more of this ear-bleeding idiocy. He'd web the guy's mouth shut if he had to, because holy crap, that was irritating.

- Sho (number_crunch) & Peter Parker (mustbethesuit) [here]

"We are so fighting! There's no way in hexidecimal that I'm going quietly tonight!" shouted the enraged Reaper, waving both instruments around. "I will crunch twice as many of you in half the time! That's x4 efficiency, radians! Now, it's x 2 die!"

"Wait, are you saying you'd take more time to kill two people than you would to kill four? Twice as many in half the time? Cause I'm having a pickle of a time figuring out what you're trying to say. Since when is being a radian such a bad thing?"

- Sho (number_crunch) & Peter Parker (mustbethesuit) [here]

Sho never got around to explaining just how that function worked because the freak acrobat arccot had just verticalled his entire height, landed behind him and then placed a foot on his back at an excessive velocity. Adding that force to his already considerable momentum and the end result was a rather high answer for the equation of mass x velocity as the Reaper went flying to land face-first on the rug, calculations for friction already running through his head:

Fr = μN
Fr = (Rug*Face)Kick
Fr = TERRIBLE RUG BURN

- Sho (number_crunch) [here]

"It made him feel defenseless, surrounded by people when he didn't even have his clothes, and really, you spent enough time hunting and eventually experience taught you that the only thing worse than getting jumped by something supernatural was getting jumped by it while you were naked and wet.

It'd been one of his less dignified hunts."

- Sam Winchester (allroadslead) [here]

"If I had the paper to waste with crappy "jokes", I'd be using it to smoke."

"What, the institute is suddenly undergoing a paper shortage or something? Did you smoke all of it already? You should be careful, that shit is bad for your lungs."

- Hijikata (Gintama) (mayomanoflove) & Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

Touya was pissed. Which meant only one thing:

He had to eat lunch with Yuki, or he was going to explode. He waited by the door to the Cafeteria, stewing in his own thoughts, but remarkably clean from his shower.

Who the hell was that Nameless Idiot to tell him to regulate who Sakura saw? And more importantly, what made him think Fai was more important than a 10-year-old girl's fragile psyche? Why the hell couldn't Nameless Grouch worry about Fai's problems instead of telling Touya, 'Oh, you should keep your sister away from him--he'll kill himself to save her'. What the hell was he supposed to do with that? He wasn't going to be the bad guy--mostly because the conversation would go something like this:

'Oh hi Monster. You can't see Fai anymore.'

'What? Why?'

OPTIONS:
1) 'Because I said so.'
2) 'Because if you get too attached to him, when he eventually hurts himself trying to save you, you'll be upset and think it's your fault.'
3) 'Because shorties can't hang out with psychotic men with guilt complexes and death wishes.'

He hated being an older brother sometimes.

- Touya (guardiancomplex) [here]

The male nurse handled him like a convict, sticking close and keeping a strict eye on movement as they made their way through the labyrinth-like halls (at least in Zoro's head, their path seemed confusing; in reality, it was the same route they'd passed just that morning). His thoughts had kept him occupied as well, his most recent battle monopolizing brain cells as he tried to figure out what exactly he was doing... in the showers.

- Zoro (gavemyword) [here]

Submission Post #33 (September 16-30)

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 06:32:45 GMT

Quote Post #32

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 06:30:06 GMT

[in careful, even letters]
"JUSTIN BAILEY"

"You forgot all the dashes, you dolt!"

"Somehow, I don't think the nurses will take their clothes off if I add them."

- Sangamon Taylor (toxicspiderman) and Porky Minch (piggy_king) [here]

"GRELL, THE BABY SHANKING DEATH GOD

That better?"

"[That note is ripped off the board and replaced with:]

When I find you, you trolling git, I'll enjoy ripping your spine out through your mouth."

"I was going to spell it out in waffles, but I didn't want to waste more breakfast on you."

- Peter Parker (mustbethesuit) and Grell Sutcliff (deadlyjuliet) [here]

"1:01

CB: Bring resources, evacuate Sunroom premises. Open network driver.

-S.F.S."

"Not on the first date, I'd hope."

- Setsuna F. Seiei (gundamned) and Scourge (haplesstracker) [here]

"Edgar stuck the pen in his mouth and used his fingers to pull another still-attached working from the device. He turned the circular piece over in his fingers, now forming a more complete idea of the purpose for which this device was designed. "It's an audio amplifier of some sort," he observed, speaking through the corner of his mouth. He was starting to wonder if the room held miniature versions of his other tools, as well. A tiny chainsaw could come in handy."

- Edgar Figaro (girlsandgadgets) [here]

Though he had his flashlight in hand, it was off as he groped his way along the wall, only the faint light if a cigarette illuminating his face every few steps. It should really be more of an exciting journey for his heart to be hammering this much as he moved along but mostly it was just gropegropegropegropeohheysoft.

Wait. Walls were not soft. Despite himself, Badou's first thought was OH JESUS BLEEDING FUCK, REVENGE OF THE WALL BOOBS. His second thought was. Wait, these are the breasts I'm looking for. His third one was that he should probably stop groping Alkaid now because that was seriously edging over to pedo territory. Badou snatched his arm back and decided this was definitely not his fault.

"Do you have a fetish for being groped in dark hallways or something!? Why didn't you turn your flashlight on?! What if I mistook you for a boob monster."

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

'Kirk' had been Kirk and Sylar had been wrong: Star Trek was no laughing matter.

- Sylar (7_to_midnight) [here]

"THANKS FOR NOT LETTING ME GET EATEN BY A ZOMBIE.

There. I made you an appreciation card."

"They really need to stop letting you at the glitter. Do you just carry a pot around with you?"

"It comes in handy."

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) & Allelujah (tender_cruelty) [here]

He could have left it at that, probably. He'd feel a little shitty for it but he'd get over it. Artemis was the only one who thought he was a cheerleader. He didn't just go up to strange kids and offer them comforting words that didn't mean anything at all, even if they looked depressed enough to try drowning in their maple syrup. What was he supposed to say anyway? Sorry your friend is a flesh-eating monster bent on your destruction? Sucks to be you?

He unlaced his fingers, his arms resting across the table. His own breakfast had been mostly forgotten about and shoved to the side. "Actually, one more thing: you're going to stay that skinny forever if you don't finish your breakfast. Trust me, I know."

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

Grell had glasses. Not an eyepatch. And if a life with Nick Fury breathing down your neck taught you anything, it was to fear the eyepatch.

"Oh...Oh my god, I'm so, so sorry, I thought - oh my god!!" In a flash Peter was up and attacking the glob of cream with his napkin. "Here, um...have my waffles. I'll just eat this napkin as punishment, okay? I'm sorry. I'm...I thought you were someone else." He smiled nervously, shrinking away from what what sure to end in being whacked with a plastic tray several hundred times. "Please don't hit me?"

"I'm not going to hit you. Give me that." He finally snatched the napkin away to dab at whatever was left, looking more resigned than pissed off. "If my hair still looks like it's full of jizz I'm going to cover you in maple syrup and leave you attached to the bulletin board where the pedophiles and psychopaths can hit you for me."

"Just like every other Sunday," Peter deadpanned. "As long as you leave my clothes on. Can't give the pedophiles too much hope, can we?"

And now he had a mental image of this kid wearing one of Bishop's numerous frilly dresses and covered in maple syrup. He would be like the centerpiece for a pedo dinner party with the Bishop saying grace at the head of the table and everything. Badou figured if he ever managed to unsee that, life might be worth living again.

- Peter Parker (mustbethesuit) & Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

"...So you're going to keep throwing breakfast at redheads until you find the right one?" That was a dumb plan even by Badou's standards, and that was saying something. "If you hit Schuldig - actually, friendly advice? Stop being a dumbass. I know it's hard, but I have faith in you."

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

"You must lead an interesting life. I'm Badou. Nice to meet you Special Snowflake."

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

Her voice could have cracked diamonds with its hardness, "Boy. You are in my cleavage. Kindly remove yourself." Or else you will hurt like you've never hurt before, her tone warned. "Now."

- Celes (lady_general) [here]
(submitted twice)

↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

SHIT!! THE WORMHOLE IS OPEN WHAT WERE YOU THINKIIIIIIING

Oh crap, and here I was just trying to get a few extra lives! What have I doooooooooooone?!

THE SWITCH IS IN THE THIRD TOILET. PLEASE HAVE MERCY AND SAVE US, SIR!!

- Scott Pilgrim (vseverything) & Haseo (feartehreaper) [here]

"Shut the hell up and mind your own business."

"By all means, continue your dramatic break-up with your boyfriend. I'll just sit here and watch."

"^This"

- Luxord (clockmongler), Suzaku (superdynamic), and Xigbar (numberii) [here]

"And if you're going to start in on me being crazy I'd like to remind you there's a blue and red guy in the next room standing on the ceiling shooting goop from his wrists."

- Scourge (haplesstracker) [here]

"Still, the boy offered a reassuring smile when the undine lowered her eyes, trying to show that everything was all right. 'No need to be shy,' with an unstated 'heh heh heh' to go with it."

- Souji (no_arcana) [here]

"Hey! I wasn't making fun!! All I'm saying is that sometimes you wouldn't be out of place in a magical girl show. Fighting One-Eyed Love Warrior, Sparkly Badou."

- Alkaid (constellates) [here]

You are in a solarium. There is a bulletin board. A cafeteria is visible to the north. North? Was that north? It was 'up', which was good enough. Other exits lead SW, NE, E, SE, and S. The south door is guarded by a scorpion princess and a three-headed dog. More commonly known as a nurse and orderly, though vague glimpses last night made the comparison more apt than he wanted to dwell on. Hell with disco. He went EAST.

- Sangamon Taylor (toxicspiderman) [here]

"About three quarters of his way through his Muppet Show repertoire, Peter heard someone calling after Spider-Man. Not from the Sun Room, but from the balcony. Huh...was he...well there was no harm in going over there to check it out, was there? Technically he wasn't allowed to go after people outside of the room and so the balconies were out of bounds, but maybe he could get them to come on down? Show them a rootin' tootin' good time? Hey wait, did he actually just think those words? UNCLEAN UNCLEAN!! Tainted by country music, why?!"

- Peter Parker (mustbethesuit) [here]

"You were supposed to throw things at Spider-Man. Like soup cans. Not grin until your teeth crack. Peter had gotten that look from a few four year old boys before, too young to read Jameson's take on the dailies and therefore convinced that he was like a skinny, burglar punching Santa Claus. At least until their parents started shrieking and carrying them away from the bad spandex man. Pssht. Figure skaters wore uniforms twice as horrifying as his was, and they all got to be on cereal boxes. When was it Spidey's turn to be on Count Choculah, huh? Damn glory hogging Olympians."

- Peter Parker (mustbethesuit) [here]

Submission Post #32 (August 16-September 15)

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 08:46:22 GMT

Quote submissions should look like this:

"Quote that is awesome."
- Character (character_journal) [the url text]

Or for conversations:

"Quote that is awesome!"
"Reply of equal awesome!"
"Bask in our awesome glow."
- Character One (character-one_journal) and Character Two (character-two_journal) [the url text]

(Please post urls and character journals as plain text and not actual links!)

Comments will be screened, and as always, feel free to ask questions as needed!

EDIT 9/1: Submission period will be extended to September 15 due to lack of quotes. :(

Quote Post #31

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 08:45:44 GMT

"Alleeeeeeeelujah!" He was going to add move your tender ass faster but prayers worked too since he was too busy crashing into the broken glass on the floor to finish. His left arm went numb with the impact and glass shards smashed into his side but he still refused to let the stool go. He was just an asshole like that. An asshole who was probably going to die in less than a second unless Alle came through. He was so fucking doomed.

He grinned, "'s mine motherfucker. Learn to ask nicely."

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

If the situation hadn't been quite so dire, Allelujah would have found Badou's ranting and raving rather amusing. He certainly had a way with words, even if the majority of those words were unsuitable for polite society.

- Allelujah (tender_cruelty) {here]

“Ma’am, zere has been a mistake. My name is not… Wictor.”

“Victor,” she corrected.

“…Wvictor.”

“Vic-tor.”

Chekov muttered something unintelligible in Russian. “Just tell me where I am and let me report to my commanding officers—zey will straighten zis out.”

- Chekov (sewenteen_sir) [here]

If there was one thing Matt didn't expect to happen that morning, it was having L right up in his face. (Perhaps whoever had cleaned up the zombie mess from the night before had left one behind...)

- Matt (whohitreset) [here]

"No one ever expects an abacus."

- Okita Souji (notachick) [here]

It was a good thing he didn't have an adopted nephew or anything to spoil rotten by doting on him like...would that make him an uncle whale? Did uncle whales dote or just kind of lay around in the water being like WHALES FUCK YEAH?

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

"Megatron-

Apologies. I seem to have damaged Lugnut.

-Recluse"

- Recluse (tartaros_avatar) [here]

"Priscilla, the zombie killing post is not your harem."

"Don't blame me."

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) and Luxord (clockmongler) [here]

[strikeouts neatly torn off the top of the sheet before posting]

Eugenics Wars? KHAAAAAN?

1988, heard of WWI and WWII and the Cold War. "Brush Wars" sounds like a nice victor's whitewash for 'Nam and Korea and all those little Southeast Asian squabbles Americans can't tell apart with a concordance, a map, and a Catholic-school nun teaching history with a ruler. Add Iran/Iraq, Israel/Palestine, Chad, Libya -- pretty much the whole damn Middle East. Really, the entire fucking world, most of the time. But if your Earth's anything like mine, that shouldn't be a surprise.

- Sangamon Taylor (toxicspiderman) [here]

"That would be me, Van Damme." She took another bite off her muffin. "So, how's life been treating you, Van Damme?" She took a sip of juice. "Is your father bald yet, Van Damme? Did you run away during the zombie attacks, Van Damme?"

- (Gintama) Kagura (16hitmagnum) [here]

"(X,Y) = (0,0)
Let α = fLandel[Institutionalized Integration]
Let β = fLandel[Terabytes of Terror]
β+.5h < t < β+1.5h

Incompletes will be destroyed!"

"What does that even mean?"

- Sho (number_crunch) & Razputin (razmaspaz) [here]
(submitted twice)

"BEST ZOMBIE KILLS

Because that's what zombies are all about. If you didn't actually do anything cool, lie like your balls are depending on it. Remember kids, creativity is its own reward.

Example:

I nominate Alle for using pressurized beer to make the motherfucker's head explode."

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

"I EXPLODED A CAR IN THAT FLAMING FRACTAL'S FACE!"

"Just one? +5 bonus for property damage. You'd get more if you dived out of the car at the last second laughing maniacally."

- Sho (number_crunch) & Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

"Oh, look, it's the uncomfortable truth game. That's my favorite."

"[That drawing has been taken down.]
How... could you even draw such a thing? It's so mean... "

"I agree. I think murder is mean, too. To put it lightly.
You're right, though, that was gory. Let me draw you doing something sweet and nurturing.
[the next drawing has been securely adhered to Feenie-bear]"

[The picture has been edited. It now looks like this:]

Oh, Feenie! I knew you still had such a kind heart!♥

"Aww, that's cute, even though you're not together--Eh?! You mean, he's here?"

"Yes, he's here."

"Oh...maybe both of you can get back together, if you still have feelings for each other. It'll heal the pain in your heart if he is your special someone. Some say that if two people who love each other are in a dangerous situation, it'll strengthen the bond. <=) "

"I uh . - ~~this isn't~~ ~~why do kids keep telling me~~
Don't worry about us, really. She had to move away, and I think I'm allergic to love pie."

- Phoenix (pleading_ngri), Dahlia (dahliahasthorns), and later Chise (cryingweapon) [here]

"...WHAT THE HELL IS THAT.

I don't have split ends, you asshole."

- Alkaid (constellates) & Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

Submission Post #31 (August 1-15)

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 02:06:51 GMT

Quote submissions should look like this:

"Quote that is awesome."
- Character (character_journal) [the url text]

Or for conversations:

"Quote that is awesome!"
"Reply of equal awesome!"
"Bask in our awesome glow."
- Character One (character-one_journal) and Character Two (character-two_journal) [the url text]

(Please post urls and character journals as plain text and not actual links!)

Comments will be screened, and as always, feel free to ask questions as needed!

Quote Post #30

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 02:01:35 GMT

The day Dean ran his mouth off about anything that personal was the day Dean...got mind-controlled by a psychic, apparently. But that was a special case. Even if it had happened twice.

- Sam Winchester (allroadslead) [here]

"Qualification: The only times that I have killed targets meant to be captured was entirely by accident, or not my fault at all. I couldn't help it if a meatbag wanted to try and run straight into low-flying speeder traffic.

It was embarrassing to have to bring back just the lower half of that one."

"Yeah, funny how that can happen sometimes, isn't it?"

"Agreement: Once I had time to review it in my memory core, it certainly was. I've tried to get it to happen again now, with mixed results and various splatter radii."

"Yeah, somehow whenever we try and make things like that happen again on purpose, it never quiet gets the same results."

"Affirmative: Yes. None of them severed quite as cleanly as that one did, nor had their torsos bounce so humorously into the passenger seat. The pilot looked incredibly surprised."

- HK-47 (arc_wrench) and Lockdown (ruthless_hunter) [here]

"Ta-ta-ta-ta-tatatanan ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tanan~"

The moment Chise opened the door was the moment Kagura started singing the tune to the movie Rocky, horribly messing up the parts that had lyrics in it to sing "Penis Volta", not that she knew what it meant.

- (Gintama) Kagura (16hitmagnum) [here]

What a way to go - eaten by a zombie. He was going to die a virgin and there was nothing he could do about it since someone had teleported his girlfriend away. Not that this was the best setting to have sex in.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SEEEEEENNNNNNNPPPPPPAAAAAAIIIII!"

- Junpei (whos_da_man) [here]

Ooh, that was disgusting. All the more reason to kill it!

- HK-47 (arc_wrench) [here]

Kenren had been half expecting something like this since the sky had kept darkening with the nurses making no move to take them back to the buses. Admittedly, he hadn't quite been expecting this, the shift in the townspeople and the hordes of rotting bodies suddenly deciding that being above the ground was a much more entertaining prospect. Damn it, Kenren was suddenly wishing that cremation was more popular. What would they do then? Use the ashes to try to choke them to death?

- Kenren (opposingheaven) [here]

He truly hoped Luxord didn't mind the high pitched girlish squeal of absolute delight that came out of his mouth that very moment. There it was: beautiful, gleaming, red and just the right size. Grell dashed forward and grabbed the red handle, a little disappointed that it didn't feel perfect, but more than content that it felt right. A chainsaw, a proper chainsaw, in his hands. The grin on Grell's face was undeniable as he whipped it around and laughed in glee, hugging the blade close.

"Oh, how I've missed you! Well, not you, exactly, but you! Darling, if only you were really mine, then you'd understand!" Swinging the machine around he gripped the handle tight in both hands and sighed. "How I miss you, my beautiful scythe, but this shall have to do for now until you return to me. I swear this isn't cheating."

- Grell (deadlyjuliet) [here]

Badou had fully planned to spend the remainder of his evening making sad faces at the barkeep in hopes of a free drink or an ever-illusive cigarette. Between his puppy eyes and Alle's he actually had some confidence in this plan. Unfortunately (or fortunately he guessed) the barkeep was now at least two kinds of dead and the former residents of Landel's were doing an impromptu shambling tribute to Michel Jackson outside.

Where was Haine when you needed him? He was a pasty-ass zombie. Maybe he spoke the language.

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

- Suzaku (superdynamic) [here]

[A large hole now exists where this picture hung. This part of the bulletin board must have had a quick end]

- Fai (not_rly_fai) then Kurogane (contentincloset) [here]

"...okay, I guess. So. Why a banana?"

"IT'S NOT A BANANA, IT'S A BOOMERANG!

[drawn again, now with little designs. Looks like a festive banana! One end is a little squarer than the other]

SEE! BOOMERANG!"

- Kakashi (lostonlifesroad) & Sokka (alwayscomesback) [here]

If we ever get out of here, Otacon resolved, I'm throwing out every copy of Resident Evil we own.

- Otacon (141_12) [here]

A light giggle escaped him at this. Such a scenario wasn't nearly as awesome in real life as it was in a video game where he didn't have to worry about dying, but the fact that he was running over zombies still merited a laugh. "Don't worry about my arm. It's... just a flesh wound."

He really didn't like his chances in this scenario either. He knew how the horror movies went. Out of the group of people currently in the car, he was the odd man out - and he'd been bitten to boot. The girls wouldn't get killed off right away, and Kenshin was the shounen manga hero sort, so he'd probably end up saving them and possibly living to see the end of the night. There was the chance that he'd go down fighting to save them, but with a red-shirt like Matt driving the car would that be necessary?

- Matt (whohitreset) [here]

"If you'll excuse this one." With that, Kenshin picked up the severed fingers (and thumb) in the hem of his jacket and reached around Robin's seat to tip them out the smashed window. They probably wouldn't work very well as a distraction, but it just wasn't sanitary to have them there. Speaking of sanitary, the cut (bite?) on Matt's arm did not look like it was "just a flesh wound," but the rurouni let it slide for now.

-Kenshin (degozaruyo) [here]

"Excuse me - hey, excuse me, only my girlfriend touches me there!" He delivered a kick to the groin that literally sent the former woman flying through the air. "Come back when you have a pulse!!"

- Peter Parker (mustbethesuit) [here]

It looked like someone was giving parallel parking lessons with zombie cones. A vast improvement on the usual Driver's Ed horror flicks.

- S.T. (toxicspiderman) [here]

Would it be too much to ask that everyone in town transform into very angry goldfish or something instead?

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

It wasn't exactly something that he'd ever thought about, how to kill hungry-for-flesh zombies while in a small town bar. How to use lab equipment as brutally effective weapons yes, bar stools and glasses, no. Then again, who on earth ever actually anticipated a zombie apocalypse besides people who watched too many horror movies.

Why hadn't he watched more horror movies?

- Allelujah (tender_cruelty) [here]
(submitted twice)

Badou was on his feet again in moments, slamming the stool into the zombie's legs or knees or whatever the hell he could get to - repeatedly. It was never going to walk again without some serious physiotherapy if he had anything to say about it -- Oh, wait, he did have something to say:

"THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? YOU LEARN TO SHAMBLE LIKE A REAL FUCKING ZOMBIE YOU ASSHOLE. STOP DISGRACING YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS. THAT MOVIE WAS SHIT."

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

Submission Post #30 (July 16-31)

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 22:29:00 GMT

Quote submissions should look like this:

"Quote that is awesome."
- Character (character_journal) [the url text]

Or for conversations:

"Quote that is awesome!"
"Reply of equal awesome!"
"Bask in our awesome glow."
- Character One (character-one_journal) and Character Two (character-two_journal) [the url text]

(Please post urls and character journals as plain text and not actual links!)

Comments will be screened, and as always, feel free to ask questions as needed!

Quote Post #29

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 22:25:18 GMT

He had a hat on. That was why he couldn't be unhappy. Sure, it wasn't his hat, but he was more than willing to wear a hat for some American baseball team called the Tigers. Maybe Detroit was a place worth visiting. The important thing was, HE HAD A HAT ON AND IT WAS BLUE.

- Junpei (whos_da_man) [here]

This man was detestable. Everyone else had the sense to cower when she was so obviously displeased with them, but him? Oh, no, never the great Prosecutor Godot. That man would probably stand laughing in the face of the Apocalypse. And then throw a pot of coffee at the Four Horsemen. Crazy fool.

- Franziska von Karma (iwhipthefool) [here]

So there was a crying girl in his lap wearing a shirt that said 'protect your nuts'. Good things never started that way.

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

"You stare at that someone's butt for a long time. If you like what you see, then you probably like them."

- Jiraiya (toadally4boobs) [here]

"C'mon, dude, no need to be so shy. You've got him eatin' out of the palm of your hand, just go ahead and get him already! 'sides, with the monsters running around, you'd be doing him a world o' good!
-II"

"Do the pros truly outweigh the cons, my dear?"

"Let's see... cons: possibly illegal, very public, certainly bit of an age gap.

Pros. Tender. Virgin. Ass.

...yeah, I'd say so.
-II"

- Xigbar (numberii) and Luxord (clockmongler) [here]

"...It'd be nice to have friends who don't want to see me in pain. I heard there are people like that but it must be a myth."

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

"I'm Badou. Your name sounds weird so I'm going to call you Cheese."

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) to Chise (cryingweapon) [here]

"Hm. It seems you still have nothing to offer. That I want." ~~Unless he planned on dominating Soubi which would thus render him blameless for such disobedient sexual behaviour.~~

-Soubi (beloved_less) [here]

He just... Stopped. Kaiji's whole world stopped and there he stood, still as stone, staring pitifully at the square-nosed guy like a puppy who knew that he was about to get punted out of a third-story window.

'Getting murdered' wasn't exactly at the top of his list of things to do today, but he couldn't help the inevitable. Although if he remembered correctly, this guy did have some crazy personality shifts, so maybe he was in friendly 'Surprise! I'm not going to rip your hair out and strangle you with it!' mode. Maybe he had a chance after all!

-Kaiji (missedfortunes) [here]

"Enter your nominations for tonight's brainwashing."

"Phoenix Wright. Not that he could do more than object people passing by."

- Kristoph (dasgift) and Dahlia (dahliahasthorns) [here]

"Yes. Pink. It was a very scary color in a culture where pink was the same color as your blood, but apparently amoung humans it meant you looked like a ninny."

- Scourge (haplesstracker) [here]

"Right now, he had a bigger problem - how exactly was he going to get his spoils into the Institute? He assumed he'd be searched, but he doubted that they'd do a full body cavity examination unless he gave them good reason to. Which meant it was lucky he chose a small can of hairspray. Even though he had been trained for that.

That meant the nails were probably a lost cause, though - didn't seem smart to stick filthy sharp objects there, of all places. Still, he decided he'd hang onto them for now. If it looked like the nurses would discover them, he'd give himself up, and hopefully they wouldn't want to examine anything else.

So the only flaw in his plan was that he needed to find somewhere private. Preferably a bathroom.

Snake slid the matchbook into his pocket and got up to search for the Men's."

- Solid Snake (stiffserpent) [here]

"No, no. Wait. This is a story I need to hear. Why was he behind your washer?"

"Because he was hiding from this crazy hag lady who shot him sixty gajillion times," Peter replied, shuddering a little at the memory. He was pretty good friends with Logan's spleen now, seeing as how he had to change the blankets twice a day and it was always staring right back at him. Gross. "He'd followed me home the first time he met me, and somehow came to the conclusion that he was free to sneak into my basement whenever he wanted to heal off a couple rounds against a machine gun. I...may have hit him with a broom. Several times. But in my defense he was totally unrecognizable and smelled like a wet dumpster."

Fun times were had by all.

- Daredevil (paper_murdock) & Peter Parker (mustbethesuit) [here]

"Do me a favor Alle. Watch my back. Find a weapon if you can and keep out of sight. Don't step in unless it looks like she's going to kill me." His expression changed, now composed and utterly closed, though his tone was light as ever. "I'm counting on you, bro."

Without waiting for a response he went after her. Maybe they wouldn't even talk, and maybe he'd just follow her as far as she went, but god fucking dammit he would trade his immortal soul for a pistol or a plank with a nail in it right now. The streets were too clean.

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

"Followed you home like a stray puppy, then whacked with a broom several times when he emerges--The Thing From Behind The Washer!" Kurt made appropriate spooky noises and gestures--after checking the street and surrounding area for the Wolverine himself, of course.

-Kurt (fuzzy_diablo) [here]

"AUGH! My skull - you dented it! Now I'll never develop proper motor skills!"

- Peter Parker (mustbethesuit) [here]

Sora figured that if he was going to have to run into a Nobody, [Demyx] was the one he'd pick. Or Axel. (He got the feeling that choosing Roxas would have been considered cheating.)

- Sora (scintillatingly) [here]

"WHAT? NO! I FUCKING LOVE YOU LIKE...THINGS...LOVE...OTHER THINGS.

SMOOOKES. I'M ALMOST OUUUUT."

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

"You got that right. You dent too easy, the fuel's terrible and-" - oh, sweet Primus, he was turning into Lugnut.

That was it. The nanoklik he started to talk about 'fleshlings' and fell on his knees in hysterical worship every time someone said the word 'Megatron' he was going to have to find an energon scalpel to fall on. Stat.

- Depth Charge (scalyfishman) [here]

Submission Post #29 (June 16-30)

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 03:37:10 GMT

Quote submissions should look like this:

"Quote that is awesome."
- Character (character_journal) [the url text--not a link, please!]

Or for conversations:

"Quote that is awesome!"
"Reply of equal awesome!"
"Bask in our awesome glow."
- Character One (character-one_journal) and Character Two (character-two_journal) [the url text--not a link, please!]

Comments will be screened, and as always, feel free to ask questions as needed!

EDIT: Submission period has been extended to July 15 due to lack of quotes. :(

Quote Post #28

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 03:36:23 GMT

Damn. At least he could potentially try to convince the pain receptors in his feet to quiet down over the whole 'Stop slamming me into objects much more structurally sound than me!' problem.

- HK-47 (arc_wrench) [here]

"Now, for the finishing touches," he said with a grin, adjusting the coils of cords on his shoulder. He looked around, several items catching his eyes.

A few minutes later, he had a flashlight taped to each arm and the roll of duct tap, now quite thin, over his wrist. There was a "Wet Floor" sign around his neck.

- Sho (number_crunch) [here]

He could see the eyes; hoping for the best, he aimed between them and fired. If it didn't work...then he was trapped in a narrow hallway, with a monster armed with blades and tentacles, and he had a length of pipe. That was only a viable murder weapon in Clue.

- Schuldig (k4t4str0ph4l) [here]

BRB, resetting life. Tsukasa couldn't help but snort softly at the idea. This was just getting stranger and stranger the more he heard. And what happened if you did have to reset while you were stuck in the body of your game character? Nothing pleasant.

- Tsukasa (cannotlogout) [here]

Badou nodded. The last thing they needed was to venture out by the lake unprepared - and, in Alle's case, injured - to face Scary Lake Creatures From Below.

Or mermaids. It was enough that he hadn't seen a pair of tits in weeks. They didn't need to be attached to something that could drown, eat, and/or tenderly rape him.

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

"What I'm hired for determines whether or not my talents are used for horrible ends, which lies more with the person who hires me than myself. And as for charging...if I were a scholar, I'd charge you for translating a book. As a telepath, I charge you for translating a mind. It's the economy at work."

- Schuldig (k4t4str0ph4l) [here]

"A...butler?"

"Yes, sir or miss. A butler to the core."

- Soubi (beloved_less) & Sebastian (blackestate) [here]

This was the best terrorist organization Badou had ever heard of. On TV they lived in caves or something, and in Alle's world they were supermodels who threw swimsuit parties as part of the mission. (Hadn't he watched a porno like that once?)

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

"Such a quick temper. Don't you know how off-putting that is to a lady?" the Claymore purred, slowly and deliberately pushing Kio's maps back into her pocket with her free hand. She laughed softly and darkly. "Then again, I suppose I should cut you a little slack. After all, turtles aren't exactly known for their etiquette, are they now?"

[...]

Raphael snorted. "Maybe I'd care if there were any 'ladies' around," he answered. The remark stung though. He had manners! Well, as many as to be expected from being raised in the sewer by a giant rat. April had been more help with that area, if only through pointed complaints and the occasional thrown item.

- Ophelia (shallweplay) and Raphael (donetakinorders) [here]

He shook his head, chuckling. Who did II think he was fooling? Luxord could use the man as a lawn dart, he was that thin. "Ah yes. Following in Axel's harrowing footsteps, are we? Do make sure to lay off the fried chicken. I ask you this as a friend."

Why so fat, Axel? Why so fat?

- Luxord (clockmongler) [here]

"This is precisely why I was never overly fond of children. As far as I've seen, they've a horrible habit of going insane, attempting to murder you, or exploding into bright particles of light. If you are particularly unlucky, they will do all three."

- Luxord (clockmongler) [here]

Intelligence organizations use a lot of high-tech equipment not available to the general public. When you're out in the middle of Afghanistan, the purchasing office won't always spring for it, but it's there. They've got guns that'll cut through three feet of cement, cameras that see through walls, and wireless bugs the size of a pencil eraser. What they don't have are brightly-colored harlequins with glowing eyes and large, multi-bladed weapons.

"Okay." said Michael, "Let's go a different way."

- Michael Westen (justlovesyogurt) [here]

Eureka!

This closet, small and cramped as it was, was a veritable data cache of supplies and materials! A practical Au mine! Industrial-strength chemical cleaners in non-Euclidean containers! Buckets of varying sizes, concentrically stacked! Cylindrical lights! Bulbed lights! A hand truck! Duct tape. Sho felt like a little boy in a slide-rule shop.

Pulling open a garbage bag from one of the shelves, he started loading it with all sorts of goodies: bleach, toilet paper, brushes, spray cans, doorstops - it all went in. Filling a bucket full of light bulbs, he duct-taped another bag over the top so they'd stay put. After filling a bag full of metal pipes and other sensational cylinders, he started loading it all onto the hand truck along with his sheet full of broken wooden furnishings from his room. Duct-tape was a key element in adding this lot together into a complex polynomial that didn't look like it would fit out the door.

He paused to take a breath and suddenly the room became a lot quieter. Sho came to acute realization that he'd been cackling madly the entire time.

After a few seconds, the cackling resumed.

- Sho Minamimoto (number_crunch) [here]

Man, it seemed like there was no way to be around Ritsuka and Soubi without feeling like he was interrupting something really private. And kind of illegal.

- Demyx (sitard3d) [here]

Okay, it had been some trouble, and he'd had some help, but he had to sell himself on something. He was more than just a pretty face, after all. ...All right, so he was more than just a face of some description. "And, not to brag or anything, but I have a great sense of direction." Mother above, this was sounding like some weird personal ad. 'Single male air pirate seeks allies for nighttime exploring and monster ass-kicking. Enjoys bubble baths and high explosives.'

- Teisel Bonne (no_barbarian) [here]

The thing would probably touch him again soon and he was far from being able to drag himself out of the closet right now.

- Lelouch (kingside) [here]

Spider followed Harley into the room, scowling at his surroundings. This room was more of the same bullshit, painted blue. He could all but see the feces climbing through the cracks, grinning little shit-caked grins at him. IT MADE HIM WANT TO GROW HAIR AND TRAIN IT TO KILL. FUCK.

- Spider Jerusalem (iwascloned) [here]

"Speaking of... Alle, don't let anything eat the glowing disco ball, ok? I'm thinking of throwing a wild dance party later and hanging him from the ceiling." He wasn't sure how serious he was about that. The ceiling seemed to be a good a place as any to keep Artemis out of trouble for ten minutes.

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

Submission Post #28 (June 1-15)

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 23:26:05 GMT

Quote Post #27

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 23:19:53 GMT

"Roland let himself sit down into the chair opposite of Junpei, not a flicker of warmth showing in his gray eyes. In a way, he almost felt bad. The boy clearly looked like he was afraid Roland was going to eat him. Which was ridiculous- normal people had no nutritional value."

- Roland (intoindra) [here]

"Oh, come on, Ed. You love the fishlord!"
"Long may he grace us with his fishy appendages."

- Hikaru (totallytheseme) and Ed Elric (lost_metal) [here]

Miku bowed her head, doing her best to be polite. "I'm Hinasaki Miku." Her eyes were beginning to throb. And you're a dead, Japanese hick.

- Miku (rope_victim) [here]

"....you see dead people?"
- Hanatarou (mitase) [here]

So now that he'd given a potential Shinsengumi assassin yet another reason to kill him, it was time to start in on his chicken.

This really wasn't his day, was it?

- Kenshin (degozaruyo) [here]

"Now, Mister 3000, you agreed to an interview. In an interview, the interviewer - that is, me - asks questions. The interviewee - that's you," Spider poked HK sharply in the chest "answer these questions. Now, where I come from, it is considered rude to answer a question with another question. In fact, this is not just true about where I come from, but also everywhere I go, because I BRING THIS CONSIDERATION WITH ME EVERYWHERE THAT I GO."

- Spider Jerusalem (iwascloned) [here]

"The world was ending and people still found time to race chocobo. In hindsight that is both kind of hilarious and kind of lame. At least we got plenty of gil out of it."

- Yuffie Kisaragi (thatdamnedninja) [here]

"Lulu's trying to be even more of a noodle than he already is? Why'm I not surprised."

"Noodle? I wouldn't say he's trying, he's just really busy."

"First time I met him in person, I was sedated and couldn't think of him as anything but a girly noodle. And it's kinda hard to be busy if you're constantly fighting hunger pangs."

"-- okay, I really shouldn't find that funny. And I know, that's why I'm telling him to eat."

"As far as descriptions go, I think that's about as apt as you could get. If he keeps being difficult, can I help?"

"He's not that girly. You have heard his voice, haven't you? And, um, I don't know how much of a help you'd be. No offense."

"He's got a higher shriek than several eight year olds I know, and that makes him girly in my book. Besides, you can't exactly call him MANLY, can you? C'mon. Be honest. And yeah, you're right... he'd probably end up wearing his food instead of eating it."

"He doesn't shriek that often. What did you say to him, honestly? And. . . well, no, he's not exactly manly, but he's not girly either. And no. That really wouldn't help."

- Yuffie (thatdamnedninja) & Suzaku (superdynamic) [here]

"What do you mean, not that girly?"

"Um, not as girly as she seems to think you are?"

"You're lying."

"Well. . . I don't actually think you're girly, but just in terms of physical appearance -- you remember that one time."

"That doesn't count, and never mention it again!"

- Lelouch (kingside) & Suzaku (superdynamic) [here]

"Lunch had been surprisingly uneventful. Granted, there were disturbing implications Hijikata could've lived without knowing about Landel's apparent Asian-lolita-girl fetish, but considering the man's other "leanings" (blood fetish, hacked-off limbs fetish, vampire-teeth fetish, voyeuristic-streak, watching-little-boys-get-molested-slash-chopped-up-by-older-men-fetish, etc., etc.), he shouldn't have been surprised. Hijikata hated to make himself part of the system, but seeing as he hadn't showered since he'd arrived in this damn place, there were no alternatives to stripping naked in a public shower and washing.

The showers were simply "decorated" in spartan, clinical fashion. Hijikata shot wary glances at the walls as he stripped, pulling off his clothes with all the efficiency of a veteran public-shower-er. Public nudity didn't bother him (all of the Shinsengumi's showers were public, after all, except for that old man Matsudaira's after that incident with the disembowelment and Kondo-san's after the incident with his own asshairs), but frankly, the thought of the creepy intercom-voice-man watching the show was enough to creep out anyone. All Hijikata could think about as he walked into the showers and stepped under the spray was the picture of a balding, disgusting-looking man sitting on a swivel-chair in a room covered from head-to-toe with giant monitors.

It wasn't a pleasant thought.

But considering the other ones he could be having instead...maybe this mindless paranoia was better."

- Hijikata(Gintama) (mayomanoflove) [here]

Who the hell knew death was multicultural?

- Sam Winchester (allroadslead) [here]

" At this rate, he'd put his foot so far in his mouth that Kaoru would stop talking to him altogether. And where would that leave him?

...

With pink hair, probably."

- Hikaru (totallytheseme) [here]

Teenager: check.
Tattoos: check.
Inexplicable glaring: check.
Repetitive destructive motions involving office supplies: double check.

High school study hall all over again.

- Phoenix Wright (pleading_ngri) [here]

...now what did he say? He wracked his brain for the advice Usopp had given him about speaking with civilians, but he was too panicked to even think about what that might have been. This person was smiling at him, after all.

"...I hope that we can engage in a harmonious relationship whilst in each other's company."

Even he was beginning to see that saying things like that was a little awkward and wordy.

- Sagara Sousuke (uruz_vii) [here]

For now... Rude looked her over. Kinda cute in the snobby, pretentious, average cup size sorta way. Probably a complete bitch...

- Rude (silent_shades) [here]

Holy materia. This girl might be the lovechild of Scarlett and Shinra senior... Rude's eyes twitched over to where Reno was stood. And watched him turn away. What the hell. Why did Reno only fuck with Rude's life when he was ok on his own?

He wished he had some way of sending SOS beams out the top of his head or something...

- Rude (silent_shades) [here]

Rude was pretty much always stood very still. It was part of his thing. Quiet and unmoving. like...a rock or something. Gave an air of stiff obedience, anyway. And he had a feeling that might help him with this girl.

But now she was asking questions and being specific about the goddamn execution.

"Place is fu- uh." Ok. Try again. A small piece of his brain was beginning to form some ugly matted cells at the fact that he didn't have to be this nice, but...it was her...it was her. Everything about her. Made him feel like he was waiting outside the Admin Offices about to get told what trouble he was in for blowing up the wrong goddamn thing or kidnapping the wrong kid.

- Rude (silent_shades) [here]

"I'm off to see my girlfriend, the most wonderful girlfriend there is! Because, because, because, because, because! Because of the smokin' hot babe she is!"

- Junpei Iori (whos_da_man) [here]

This was the part in the horror movie where the cheerleader took a knife to the throat. Good thing he'd left his pom-poms at home. As long as he was the idiot friend or the brains (hell, both) he should make it at least to the third act.

- S.T. (toxicspiderman) [here]

"The door was opened slowly as Yousuke peered in. He had to blink for a moment, because he wasn't quite expecting the appearance of the girl on the other side. It should have been obvious, seeing as their clothes were taken from them when they were brought here, but it hadn't clicked with everything else that was going on.

So Naoto did have breasts. Huh."

- Yousuke Hanamura (guyslikegames) [here]

"All was well in the universe; HK-47 was whining. That meant somewhere SubZero was bitching."

-Beatrix Kiddo (quickdrawbkiddo) [here]

Submission Post #27 (May 15-31)

Sun, 17 May 2009 05:35:57 GMT

Quote Post #26

Sun, 17 May 2009 05:30:53 GMT

"They already kidnapped people and let them run around through dark halls filled with monsters night after night. What were a few zombie cockroaches among friends?"

- Tony Stark (i_dont_paint) [here]

"Gratitude: Thank you for being so stupid as to ignore my warnings. If you had been more intelligent, I might not have gotten the chance to shoot anyone, or try out the flamethrower mod I was given.

Statement: Watching you get digits shot off and your so easily damaged protective outer layers burned horribly was almost as good as eating chocolate. Suggestion: We should do that again sometime."

--HK-47 (arc_wrench) [here]

"Tell me when you find a dodecahedron head, then I might consider it a variable worth solving for.

~~Though, triangle is the strongest polyhedron known to man...~~"

-Sho (number_crunch) [here]

"Alright. Finally out of the institution. Out of the septic tank and into the shitlake. He had enough pens for a makeshift snorkle if it came to that. Spider turned to yell at Harley and ... wait, where was he?

BLAST! THE TELEPORTATION DEVICE! It had sensed his escape and yanked him back here, sensing the damage a competent journalist could do if he came within spitting distance of the REAL truth. But why let anyone else out to begin with? There'd been other reports of outdoor adventures. He'd have to do some questioning."

-Spider Jerusalem (iwascloned) [here]

“Attention, all morsel munching monomials!” he shouted loudly at the top of his lungs, which was very loud indeed, especially with his hands cupped around his mouth. “And you in the loudbox, too!” he added, pointing towards the intercom speaker. “You made a macrocosmic mistake when you decided to mess with me! Do you know how the value for t in the equation of my escape? 0! I’ll cancel out your garbage faster than entangled particles switching colors! And the rest of you! You yoctograms are all just simplified fractions before my integral might! Stay out of my way or prepare to be derived, got it? Just stand back and watch me go INFINITY!"

-Sho (number_crunch) [here]

"Lie: I am also, as you can see, deeply hurt. I think I shall cry."

- HK-47 (arc_wrench) [here]

You wanna call me a hactopiscal to my face?

- Kenpachi (noneedforsanity) [here]

He would kill for Kyrios right now. Even the Head Doctor could be persuaded to see things differently when confronted with the business end of a beam weapon being carried by a 20 metre tall giant robot.

- Allelujah (tender_cruelty) [here]

"Landel's... he had two eyes. He was Artemis, Artemis Fowl the Second. Not Badou. And Badou was Badou, not his brother. His adoptive uncle. The one who gave the nieces and nephews cigarettes and was thus banned from future family reunions. That Badou."

- Artemis (byname_bynature) [here]

"Our Codfather, who art in the sea,
Hallowed be thy gills.
Thy findom come.
Thy will be fried,
Served with salt as well as vinegar.
Give us this day our daily chips.
And forgive us our sewage,
As we forgive those who pee in the water.
And lead us not into tsunamis,
But deliver us from sharks.
[For thine is the findom,
and the fish, and the guppy,
for ever and ever.]
Amen."

- Kaoru Hitachiin (hangenki) [here]

At least she had a plateful of scrambled eggs to nail him in the face with if he tried to get -- uh, even creepier. Which would be mega impressive in itself, because on a scale of 'normal' to 'nuts', she'd already decided that he dinged at somewhere around 'Kadaj-esque'. "I'd say it's nice to meet you, but you're weird, so it's not." She responded bluntly. "Can I help you, or are you just dropping by to put me off my breakfast?"

- Yuffie (thatdamnedninja) [here]

[Aya] turned and looked up but then his expression blanked and silence ruled for several long seconds. He was alive and didn't look injured at first glance but...

"What happened to your hair?" No. Seriously. Yohji was vain. Something happened.

- Aya (briar_thorns) [here]

Submission Post #26 (May 1-15)

Sat, 02 May 2009 01:30:37 GMT

Quote Post #25

Sat, 02 May 2009 01:29:28 GMT

"Nothing you need to know about in detail," Akihiko said, addressing that last question just a little too quickly. "We just ran into a weird kid who teleported the both of us. I still don't know who the hell he was, or where we ended up."

"He then snorted. "Oh, I don't. do I? What'd you end up with like no clothes on when you landed wherever you teleported to?" "

"How the hell did you know -- oh, shit." He smacked his forehead hard with his right hand. Well, the cat was out of the bag now.

"Okay, you got me, clothing got swapped around and displaced when we got teleported. But it's like Kyoto and July. It never happened, and if I hear that it did, I reserve the right to use you for boxing practice."

- Akihiko (fourtharcana) & Junpei (whos_da_man) [here]

Kakashi couldn't remember the last time he's actually had a debate over what shape the clouds had taken. It was strangely relaxing, and certainly the most carefree shift he'd had since he'd arrived in this place. Now, however, came a trial of a different sort. Kakashi had gotten his tray and his food, and then moved to a table to being inspecting it.

Apparently, the fish was a lie.

Instead of actually eating the monstrosity on his plate, Kakashi began taking apart what had to be tempura, and poorly done tempura at that. Half-tempted to look around for his roommate, Kakashi instead sighed and pushed the stuff aside. This time they hadn't even given him anything decent to go along with it. Maybe it was his punishment for having a decent time last shift.

His stomach growled a bit, and Kakashi found himself wishing he hadn't just been looking at a giant bowl of ramen in the sky.

-Kakashi (lostonlifesroad) [here]

" ...He hadn't done this since the CIA, and he'd been bad at it then, but it was worth a try.

"It's in your best interests to let me keep it," he purred. "I mean, a woman in your position? It's lonely at the top of the medical profession, and having power over everyone here - it must make you feel alive." He met her eyes. "There's nothing I could do. I'm just a madman. No-one wants me, and no-one would listen to what I had to say. It's all up to what you want." "

- Solid Snake (stiffserpent) [here]

Good. They stopped.

"Oy!" she called. "You! The one who's tiny and skinny with the hair like a cockroach!"

She took a moment to catch her breath. "Those two people you were looking for, they were your friends, right? I don't think friends are supposed to leave you without telling you. But sometimes people have weird reasons for doing things. Maybe they're in trouble. Maybe they're not. But because you're friends, then I'm sure... I'm sure they won't just leave you alone like this. They'll come back or you'll find them, but I'm sure you'll meet again."

Kagura looked around for a bit. Was she doing something wrong? She was at least a bit aware of how rude the things she sometimes said were. Hopefully this wasn't one of those times.

"That's why," she continued. "You mustn't cry. I don't think they'd like it if they saw you cry. And you have to have the energy to greet them when they come back. With a punch!" She punched the air.

"And a kick!" Then she kicked.

"And a German Suplex!" There was no way she could have done this without hurting anybody so she just stood there. "How dare they make you cry like this!"

"Ah." Kagura stopped to think for once a while. What would Gintoki do? It was his role to make rousing speeches. Not hers. What should she say next? What could she do next?

"I ran out of words," Kagura admitted bluntly. "Uh..."

"Bye!" And she ran away, not waiting for a response.

- Kagura (16hitmagnum) [here]

Oh dear. And it was back to this again. Why yes, he had plenty of women back at home. In his head and on the internet. And inflatable under your bed, came a thought in Mello's voice and he wanted to shoot himself.

- Matt whohitreset [here]

Duh. Of course I'm going to be careful. Who does he think I am? Oh yeah. Right. Come on, like I don't know when to be careful and HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

Junpei stood with his mouth hanging open, eyes wide, as a huge fucking bear appeared from around a corner, emerging from the fog. He stared at it for a moment as it stared at him. Was that blood on it's muzzle? Did it just eat someone? His thoughts would have taken him back to that severed hand except his thoughts were stuck in a singular loop that repeated over and over one thing as the monstrosity rose up onto two legs right before him.

That is one scary-ass bear.

Then it dropped and lunged.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Junpei screamed, turning and running as fast as his legs would carry him away from the bear, praying that the internet was wrong and that man could outrun a bear if they were a sixteen year old guy terrified out of his mind.

- Junpei (whos_da_man) [here] (submitted twice)

.... Badou pocketed the pack and, after a moment's thought, fished out his paper and one of the pens.

Dearest Alle,

My love for you is as bounteous as the sea. Except, you know, more epically fucking awesome. Also not gay.

Thanks for the smokes.

P.S. Don't be an emofag.

He wasted less than a minute sketching a giant robot with Alle's hair stomping on the (flaming) institute before heading back out. He really had to consider a career in art if he got out of here. Alle and Okita could be the first fans of his therapeutic drawing skills.

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

"And I didn't tell him anything at all. Aside from your flamboyant harassing of those strange people on the bulletin, this is probably the first time Yohji's ever heard of you. Unless Schuldig told you, Yohji, that I thought of Badou as my uncle. You know, the one who's never invited to family reunions because he set the last one on fire, or is talked about in hushed whispers--which only makes him more intriguing to the younger members of the family," he turned back to Badou, smiling. "But you already knew that."

- Artemis Fowl (byname_bynature) [here]

"Does anyone know what drug goes in the injections that the nurses give to make you feel asleep?"
- Solid Snake (stiffserpent) [here]

"Age: Unknown. Likely around his late twenties or early thirties.
Birthday: August 10. Poster not responsible for any physical, mental, or sexual-orientational damage done unto reader who tries to use this information.
Gender: Male.
Identifying characteristics: Only has one eye. Possibly nude under a colorful yukata.
Strengths: Skill with sword. Experience organizing rebellion. Thighs have unknown mystical power that render surrounding individuals senseless with nosebleeds.
Weaknesses: Opium addiction.

"...why should we need to know he's nude under the yukata?

"We've lost some good men that way."

- Okita (notachick) and Hijikata (mayomanoflove) [here]

"Uh... senpai? Shouldn't we be checking inside the buildings. Seriously, standing out here in the open is like being the cashier at Wild-Duck's cheap-ass burger night - a pack of unwashed beasts looking for a cheap meal will descend and you'd rather hide behind the counter than tell them you ran out of Fowl Sauce to dip their fries in."

- Junpei (whos_da_man) [here]

"He wasn't going to stick around to see if it hit or not, nor was he going to let Yukari take up the rear. Grabbing her around the waist with one arm, he urged her to get a move on, calling to Akihiko, "Who the fuck thought a door would stop, like, a nine-thousand pound bear?"

- Junpei (whos_da_man) [here]

"Stopping a few steps from the stairs, he yanked the evoker out of his waist band. "Get up, Yuka-tan. That bitch can't get upstairs!"

- Junpei (whos_da_man) [here]

"That is a scary-ass bear," he said to Yukari as Akihiko joined them. "I'm a little tense here, guys."

- Junpei (whos_da_man) [here]

"I dunno what happened. I should have--" Junpei also cut himself off, eyes going wide as he heard the wood below them creak and snap and...

"HOLY SHIT! That bitch CAN get up stairs!"

Junpei shoved the evoker into Akihiko's hands before raising his bat up to a ready position. "Dude, taser it!" Cause that's what a Zio would be like to the scary-ass bear."

- Junpei (whos_da_man) [here]

"Whoa, that... didn't feel right at all, and Yukari felt herself nearly needing to lean on the wall to keep her balance. So this was it, huh? Landel once again stripped her of her full power when a few nights ago she could have blown a huge hole in the wall or more, was that it? Tch, figured."

- Yukari (remedying) [here]

"Messrs. Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin would like to congratulate the young lady who so heroically leapt up onto a table this afternoon to declare her independence from our poorly-dressed oppressors. We, the undersigned, regret that we cannot yet do so in person; we felt it unwise to do so, given the nursing situation. We beg your indulgence, fair lady, and pray that we can meet you in person as soon as possible to personally convey our gratitude for your noble actions.

Again, dear lady, thank you. You have inspired us to action, and we can only hope that the rest of the patient population were similarly moved. We pray that they, too, will be compelled to behave in such a way.

They cannot keep us down forever! We shall overcome!

Signed, your comrades in mischief,

Hitachiin Hikaru, Esquire
Hitachiin Kaoru, Esquire"

- Hikaru (totallytheseme) [here]

Submission Post #25 (April 6-April 30)

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 05:27:17 GMT

Quote submissions should look like this:

"Quote that is awesome."
- Character (character_journal) [the url text--not a link, please!]

Or for conversations:

"Quote that is awesome!"
"Reply of equal awesome!"
"Bask in our awesome glow."
- Character One (character-one_journal) and Character Two (character-two_journal) [the url text--not a link, please!]

Comments will be screened, and as always, feel free to ask questions as needed!

And yes, extra long submission period, since it's so close to the 15th.

Quote Post #24

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 05:24:18 GMT

"Ugh. He was really laying it on thick. Did he think she was that easy to manipulate? Words like his existed to replace real respect, not display it.

"Answer me a question first," she said, smirking. "How many 'ma'am's do you think it takes to make up for an 'oozing fuckwitch'?""

"Spider remained firmly planted in her path, still bowing. He turned his face up to look at her, and assumed an expression of deep thought.

"Hmm... Counting the previous six? I'd say twenty-eight. Ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am Ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am - this could all end if you'd just give me your name - Ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am...""

- Evangeline A. K. McDowell (bullygeneraleva) and Spider Jerusalem (iwascloned) [here]

"I think he had an ex-boyfriend named Skyfire. Not sure how attached he is now."
"INTERESTING. I DID NOT KNOW THAT."

-Scourge (haplesstracker) & Lugnut (hailmegatron) about Starscream [here]

"KYOKUCHUU HATTO 123: Thou will not place Vice Commander Hijikata's mayonnaise in a location that compromises its taste and/or form in any way. This includes: adding poison, adding glue, adding gasoline, adding any substance that isn't strictly edible, freezing for purposes other than preservation, combustion, explosion, unnecessary heating, giving it to Commander Kondo Isao and telling him it's a new kind of lubrication. Because it's not. And he doesn't need it.

KYOKUCHUU HATTO 123 Corollary A: This includes you, Sougo.

KYOKUCHUU HATTO 138: Thou will not kidnap.

KYOKUCHUU HATTO 138 Corrollary A: Thou will not kidnap individuals from different timelines and universes and put them into a mental institution because you stayed up too late watching My Mother Married Motherfuckin' Frankenstein!!!!1one Seasons 1 to 3 and thought it would be cool to be an evil mastermind for once because hey that chick was hot.

KYOKUCHUU HATTO 139: In addition to committing seppuku, those who violate Kyokuchuu Hatto 11, 20, 123, and 138 in succession will be asked to add one or more of the following flourishes to their dramatic death: tying themselves to a rocketship and blowing their head off to outer space, slicing off their fingers and planting them in Campbell's Soup cans, dancing the Mambo with 2/3 of their head, selling lemonade, auctioning organs on eBay, cosplaying a zombie, etc."

-Hijikata Toshirou (mayomanoflove) [here]

"Be grateful you were not here to witness their bantering. It was the equivalence of listening to a homoerotic soap opera in the middle of the night, though not half as interesting."

-Luxord (clockmongler) [here]

"Welcome to the madhouse."

-Tony Stark (i_dont_paint) [here]

This had seemed like a really good plan yesterday but it wasn't helping with the process of pretending Yesterday Never Happened. It wasn't that anything particularly bad had happened. He hadn't gotten maimed, eaten or shot at, which by all rights should qualify it as a Better Than Usual day but... Landel's must be raising his standards because in retrospect it just seemed shitty. Probably because he'd spent most of it moping in a very unsubtle way. Baww my heterosexual life partner left me for a car. Baww the brat I don't mind hanging around with got forced into magical spinal surgery. Baww the chick I got to second base with dissapeared. (He could almost hear Mimi going Wow, Badou. I'm so surprised. That's special. Like every other Wednesday.)

Ok, the point was...that...the lack of nicotine was making him some kind of hormonal old woman. He just needed to completely forget about all that crap and not deal with it at all, because it was the right and manly thing to do. And Badou was a manly sort of guy.

...Yeah, right.

-Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

"DON'T WANT TO HURT ME? YOU OOZING SLAB OF FORMALDEHYDE-FLAVORED BITCH! WHAT DO YOU CALL THESE CUTS? AND I'M WEARING A FUCKING SHIRT NOW AND MY BONES ARE SCREAMING AT ME OUT MY EARDRUMS BECAUSE I CAN ONLY FLIP YOU OFF WITH ONE FUCKING HAND!"

As if to demonstrate, Spider freed his left arm and made a gesture so rude it would have sprained a less practiced hand. Then he brought his right heel up to strike the crotch of the guy grabbing him.

-Spider (iwascloned) [here]

"Nah. One hundred percent human. And last time I checked, the bastards hadn't cut my balls off," he said, sarcasm running on autopilot. "And from a planet with forks." Not that he was using his right now, but bacon was a perfectly fine finger food.

"Sangamon Taylor," he added, his voice lifting just a bit at the end in the vague hope of it being recognized. "You?"

"My name is Spider Jerusalem," he said, with a vague hope of being recognized, "and I am also from a planet with forks."

-S.T. (toxicspiderman) & Spider (iwascloned) [here]

"For all her ignorance on much of the human world, as unfortunately dictated by her creators, GLaDOS was still keenly up-to-date on everything that happened technologically. She dug into her memory from 2005 and recalled absolutely no virus attacks that were of any significance. If a virus had been developed that wiped out every OS except one, surely the Aperture scientists would have given her that information, in order to further protect her from an outside attack (even more so than she already was protected).

Either this man was lying, or they were from differing worlds. Or timelines. She knew it was possible here. Besides, ALTIMIT sounded almost suspiciously like Windows."

- GLaDOS (2cuprhubarb) [here]

From breakfast to the Sun Room and Kio wanted out of the stupid wheelchair already. His nurse, however, seemed to believe that the chair contained magical healing powers and he would somehow leap out of it and become Wonder Kio, Master of the Universe. Sou-chan could be the morose sidekick and Ritsuka would make a cute butler.

- Kio (stalksperverts) [here]

And he lifts his hand in a nervous salute to Invisible Ceiling Megatron.
- Scourge (haplesstracker) [here]

"HOAAAA!!!

Do we finally get a training arc? Do we get to fight bears?"

"...

I don't know what you mean by training arc, but no, we're not going to be fighting bears. Or any other sort of animal."

"You know, like in the comics when the hero finds out that he's too weak to defeat the bad guy so he goes onto this ten day quest to get a new fighting technique. And then he gets to the bad guy and he's like "HRAAAAH I am powerful!" and the bad guy goes "No way, I'm more powerful!" and this goes on for another 5 chapters until the hero unleashes his super attack and defeats the villain?

Like that.

Are we at least going to train?"

Kagura (16hitmagnum) and Akihiko (fourtharcana) [here]

"I'm not a vast majority. Are you calling me a fatass?"

"WOULD YOU GO AWAY IF I SAID YES?"

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) and Lugnut (hailmegatron) [here]

Maybe this Oliver guy had a fucked up life too, and he was just caught in someone else's crossroads. That was depressing. Badou liked olives. They should only suffer in those little drinks...with the thing... They had little red spots. Like his hair.

God, his hair was pretty.

- (drugged) Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here] (submitted twice)

"I got an apple. What do you look like?"

"I look like me. What sort of questions that."

- Dean Winchester (theroadsofar) and Ryuk (bored_todeath) [here]

"It's a doctor, right? They never got pretty head 'o hair." he answered. Or was it the scientists that didn't have pretty hair? Einstein looked like his hair exploded, the Noah knew as much as that.

Then again, his own looked like a mess as well, but he was a hobo. A lifestyle that wasn't exactly known for it's many opportunities for a shower.

- Tyki Mikk (tyki_pon) [here]

"And I think I've missed out on the story of naked adventures in Russia."

"There were no naked adventures in Russia," Artemis said crossly, folding his arms in front of him and pouting a little. "I was fully clothed--otherwise I would have frozen to death. And become sterile. But I'm fine. Just in case anyone was worried about me."

- Haku (faithful_frost) and Artemis Fowl II (byname_bynature) [here]

"Can't sleep. Gotta... gotta... gotta burn the doctor's office t'night." He didn't really have anything to burn it with though. He needed burning things. Firey things. Rocket launchers were good. They burned things.

- Allelujah (tender_cruelty) [here]

"Just a moment," Sousuke rather blatantly and deliberately stood up, moved over to where the CDs were stored, and after searching a bit, came back with a few.

"I have heard that these bands are rather obnoxious, and while listening to them, it is impossible to hold an erection. This should prevent any sort of romantic feeling."

- Sagara Sousuke (uruz_vii) [here]

"What is there to know? I'm stuck in a B-rated horror setting because some sadist with a mindfuck fetish wanted to have a multi-fandom crossover with all his favorite characters, the nurses call me 'Kate,' and at night virgin-eating birds are going to eat me unless I either stay in my room or get some person with a secret-identity to order me around and save my ass."

-Hijikata Toshirou (mayomanoflove) [here]

Iwillnothauloffandpunchhim, Iwillnothauloffandpunchthissonofabitch, Iwillnothauloffandkneethisbastard'spackagerightthroughtheroofofhismouthbecauseOkitaiswatching.

-Heiji (osakapwnzu) [here]

"But... Yue is a girl's name. Giiiiiiirrrruuuuuulllll..." he lengthened it, just in case this guy didn't exactly understand what that meant.

-Sokka (alwayscomesback) [here]

"What?" Was he talking about..the two of them? Badou didn't think so for some reason. He sounded more like he was seriously throwing himself into that gollum thing. Next thing he knew Allelujah would be going on about his precious.

-Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

Drugs didn't really bring a lot of intelligence to a conversation. Yes, little craze Alle, there are bad people in the world. Remember to protect your virgin emo kid ass when you venture into the ~~woods~~ ~~lair of the beast~~ doctor's offices~! Wooo.

-Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

...One day, Badou was going to meet someone whose life story didn't involve some kind of horrible traumatic experimentation. People like that had to exist, right? He wasn't some kind of rare exception?

-Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

Client. Classified information. Smug jerk.

. . . oh, come on. Tell me that my roomate isn't a lawyer too.

It would have made a terrible, shouldn't-be-funny kind of sense, though. He already knew that Edgeworth's room was practically the Landel's Institute prosecutors' lounge. Maybe they'd stick the defense attorneys in one room, too. Phoenix had seen a lot stranger, even before he'd come here.

-Phoenix (pleading_ngri) [here]

'Chainsaw.' Grell used a chainsaw, a customized red and gold chainsaw, to take peoples' souls and generally torture them for enjoyment.

Had he less self control, Luxord would have simply leaped into Grell's arms, kissed him full on the lips, asked the man to marry him and end the conversation there. Luckily, his cards were called into question before he could continue staring at the lady with the closest to a love-struck expression a Nobody could manage.

-Luxord (clockmongler) [here]

Deep as his thoughts were, it was only a matter of moments before Blitzwing was suddenly shook out of his pensive mood. There was kitties in the Sun Room! He'd always wanted to hold a kitty; they looked so soft and interesting, and humans made such funny pictures of them on the internet! And now he was the right size to finally do it! Finally, something good had come out of being turned into a human!

-Blitzwing (lossofface) [here]

"You bastard!" she screamed, grabbing the man beside her by his collar. "How dare you put mayo on my food!" Then she realized who he was. He was... uhh... Hiji-something Tosshi-something. Right? She didn't really bother to remember his name but it was comforting to have somebody she knew in this weird, low-budget dream setting.

"You bastard!" she screamed, shaking him. "How dare you put mayo on my food!"

-Kagura (Gintama) (16hitmagnum) [here]

He glanced at Brainiac sidelong, grinning. "But for the record, I always liked Batman better."

-Schuldig (k4t4str0ph4l) [here]

"Walking down these halls is like scurrying down big throbbing veins in an ogre's cock. I wish it'd hurry up and come already."

- Spider Jerusalem (iwascloned) [here]

Badou stared in mute shock for a long moment, not sure he was really seeing what he was seeing. A lighter. Haku could have stabbed him in the forehead with a pen and he might not notice he was so focused on that single point of light in his world. A full week without a smoke hit him like the ten million fucking virgin angels he'd imagined when he first saw a cigarette all those days ago. This was hotter than that. This was the promise of polluted smoke and lung cancer and a smooth shot of ecstasy right there in front of him. It was a beauty unmatched by mere divine orgies.

He didn't know when he'd stood up, but his hands trembled slightly on the desk, his whole body strung with repressed tension. He could have tackled Haku with pure happiness if he wasn't well aware of the real distance between him and that lighter. What fresh hell was this? Badou wanted to cry. He decided to resort to begging instead.

"Can I use it once? Please? Come on man, have some pity." Badou clasped his hands in front of him, a well-used whine seeping into his voice. "I'll get you anything for it. Seriously. If it kills me I'll come back and haunt the place until I can find it. Just let me use it once tonight because you're a nice guy. Help out your fellow man and spread some peace and love. Good deeds are good for your soul."

-Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

And once again, Badou was walking through dark hallways all alone with only his flashlight to guide him and monsters lurking everywhere. It was all very brave and dramatic, minus the part about it being brave.

- Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

"WHEN I COME BACK HERE I'M GOING TO RAM THIS THING EIGHTEEN FEET UP YOUR FUCKING URETHRA, GREASY MERKIN!" He yelled at it anyway, as he labored to execute a high-speed 90 degree turn with his dolly. The turn was mostly successful, in that he spent only a few moments picking the dolly up off the ground before tearing away towards the Pharmacy.

Spider Jerusalem (iwascloned) [here]

"CALL THESE SERIOUS HALLUCENOGENICS? ONLY IF TALKING FLOWERS AND A MAGICAL COTTAGE IN THE MOUNTAINS ARE ENOUGH TO BLOW YOUR TINY SQUISHY MINDS. I WILL BET ALL THE GODDAMN CHILDREN'S STRENGTH GRADE-SCHOOL DRUGS I'VE GOT, NONE OF YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A SIX-THOUSAND-FOOT REPTILIAN JESUS WHOSE WORDS ARE MADE OF KILLER BEES.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES"

"This, children, is why we don't mix our hardcore narcotics."

-Spider Jerusalem (iwascloned) & Badou (cigarettes_plz) [here]

"So...S.T." It was a bit strange calling someone by initials, but he shrugged that off as best he could. "You woke up a little while ago, I take it? I assume Wright has given you the basic information - where we are, who's running the place - as far as we know - and what lurks in the halls at night. What didn't he tell you? Patient organizations, experiments...?"

"Yeah." He starts ticking things off on his fingers. "Kidnapping, mad doctors, rabid capybaras for squirrels, brainwashing, experiments, fake lives, cut off from the world, time like a fucking Dali painting, radio mindgames, general assholery." He was out of fingers. "And no beer. A conspiracy theorist's wet dream. Oh, and you're both from the future."

For a quick laundry list of details, that was actually a surprisingly accurate portrait of life at Landel's. Phoenix especially appreciated 'general assholery.'

- Miles Edgeworth (high_prosecutor), S.T. (toxicspiderman), and Phoenix Wright (pleading_ngri) [here]

"The past twenty-four hours had been full of surprises. Ophelia was secretly a snake monster, and Haku was secretly a boy."

- SubZero (icy_demise [here]

Submission Post #24 (Feb 10-Feb 28)

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 16:00:26 GMT

Quote submissions should look like this:

"Quote that is awesome."
- Character (character_journal) [the url text--not a link, please!]

Or for conversations:

"Quote that is awesome!"
"Reply of equal awesome!"
"Bask in our awesome glow."
- Character One (character-one_journal) and Character Two (character-two_journal) [the url text--not a link, please!]

Comments will be screened, and as always, feel free to ask questions as needed!

And yes, extra long submission period, since it's so close to the 15th.